Daesh Goes Potty!
The Islamic State issued in April circular number 46 banning the use of Western commodes because it is one of the infidels’ inventions and does not help cleansing from the filth completely. The circular said the Western commodes do not allow the body to get rid of all dirt because of the posture it takes while defecating, because the body remains in a relaxed state that does not pressure the intestines to get all what it is in the stomach out.
The “Islamic” commodes are the closest to the traditions of the good Salaf, who never did anything different from the sunnah of Allah and His messenger (PBUH). Muslims were defecating in the desert in a squatting posture, and washed with water if existed, or dried up with stones. The religious (sharia) authority will send patrols to inspect Muslims’ homes to make sure that they get rid of Western commodes after a one-week grace period from the date of the circular, and those in violation will be sent to the shariah court to face penal procedures against them. The circular was signed by one Sheikh Abu Mohammad.
We thank Allah for not living in the Islamic State because we do not use oriental commodes, or what our Muslim brothers call Islamic commodes, and the reason goes back to our innocent childhood, as we, in old Kuwait, were defecating on top of the houses, and if the roof was busy with adults, we the young children did it in the chicken or animal quarters.
One time I was squatting the “Daesh” way when a rooster jumped on top of my head and injured my forehead and blood came out. I became very scared of roosters and the open air toilets are still lingering in my head. (I may need psychological treatment abroad). What made me write this column is the instance of some of my cousins, family and friends to write this column to complain against the widespread use of oriental commodes in our country.
These were limited to mosques in the past, but today, they are found in schools, universities, markets and co-ops and the most important of those mentioned – Kuwait International Airport, which is Kuwait’s civilized forefront.
The elderly, both men and women, say they cannot squat the Daesh way because of obesity, joint pain and illnesses. We know that our wise government is not “Daesh” – rather it has declared stands against the ideas of the Islamic State, so who is responsible for the spread of the oriental commodes in all state institutions including the airport? Are they the groups of political Islam such as the Brotherhood and Salaf, or do the reasons go back to the Central Tenders Committee’s search for licenses and the lowest prices? The thing the government is not aware of is that the issue of bathrooms, their availability and cleanliness has become an international standard of countries’ development and civilization.
The bathrooms and commodes became an important issue and companies and advanced countries rushed to present the best and most clean ones, to a point where in Japan they invented electronic commodes, and those produced by the Japanese company Tot, are so advanced to a point where they direct the opening of the exhaust, control temperature, water pressure and the kind of mist, the dryer and air purifier and heating the seat in winter.
All what we ask the government for is to provide modern bathrooms, and not implement Daesh decisions in our country.
—Translated by Kuwait Times from Al-Watan
By Dr Shamlan Y Al-Essa
