WASHINGTON—Saying they felt anxious and overwhelmed just days before heading to the polls to decide a historically fraught presidential race, Americans throughout the country reportedly took a moment Thursday to put the 2016 election into perspective by reminding themselves that some species of sea turtles are eaten by birds just seconds after they hatch. “I’ve been worrying so much lately about what will happen on Election Day that I finally just made myself pause, take a deep breath, and remember there are some sea turtles out there who, immediately after hatching, get eaten by pelicans before they can even crawl from the beach into the ocean, and that allowed me to calm down a bit and place this whole election into proper context,” said 49-year-old Ellen Weaver of Binghamton, NY, who, like tens of millions of her fellow citizens, coped with the stress brought on by tightening polls, nonstop media coverage, and the candidates’ last-minute attacks on one another by repeatedly telling herself that of the 50 to 200 baby sea turtles born to one nest, it is a rarity if even one or two survive, as research indicates that only one in 1,000 hatchlings will make it to adulthood. “Even though I’m afraid of how this might turn out and have serious doubts about whether our country can continue functioning after all this, I know that loggerhead turtles incubate inside their eggs for around two months, and more often than not, the very moment they emerge into the world to begin their lives, they’re scooped up in a vulture’s beak and swallowed whole alongside many of their brothers and sisters. When you take a step back and really consider that even if these turtles do make it to the water, they’ll then have to spend the next few years of their lives hoping they don’t get eaten by any number of fish while they’re being pulled around by currents until they’re large enough to swim to shore on their own, you start to see the election with clearer eyes.” After pondering the sea turtles’ fate for several more minutes, the nation reportedly began to feel less comforted and started growing jealous that the turtles at least get to have everything be over with quickly.

• Q: What happens when a presidential candidate doesn’t concede?

   

  A: As per the Constitution, each candidate is allowed to take their supporters and start a new country.

   

• Q: Why might Trump refuse to concede?

   

  A: While experts are divided, a lifetime spent never hearing the word “no” from anyone is probably a good guess.

   

• Q: Is there a danger violence could break out?

   

  A: Thankfully, only if Trump displays a tendency toward inciting his supporters to extreme anger.

   

• Q: Could there be rioting?

   

  A: Not technically, since the individuals causing property damage and starting fires will most likely be white.

   

• Q: Should I be worried?

   

  A: If you haven’t already been horrified for the last 16 months, there’s probably no point in starting now.

   

• Q: What legal recourse does Trump have for challenging the election result?

   

  A: Candidates wishing to dispute the outcome of a national election must file a motion with the District of Columbia Small Claims Court between the hours of 9 a.m. and 4 p.m., weekdays.

   

• Q: What does Trump risk by not conceding?

   

  A: Fanning the flames of violence, delegitimizing the United States government, but most of all, missing out on a valuable life lesson.

   

• Q: Does something like this have historical precedent?

   

  A: Yes.

   

• Q: In America?

   

  A. Oh, God no!

   

• Q: When does somebody step in to ensure this doesn’t get out of hand?

   

  A: Ideally, sometime around August 2015.

   

• Q: Is this what a crumbling empire looks like?

   

  A: Yup!

   

• Q: What will happen to Clinton if Trump doesn’t concede?

   

  A: She will become president of the United States on January 20, 2017.

1. It is tradition one waits for another to concede s/he is not the winner..

2. The results are officially presented by the respective official offices.

3. If the results for a respective area is within the margin of error - usually about 0.5 to 1.0 percent - there is an automatic recount.

4. It is of no consequence if one does not concede a loss.