A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The Paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" 
The man says, "No, but I make a good living."
 
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.  

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me! 

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 

My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. 
That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. 
Then the mud fell off. 
 
The Doctor gave a man six months to live. 
The man couldn't pay his bill, so the Doctor gave him another six months. 

The Doctor called Mrs Cohen saying, "Mrs Cohen, your cheque came back." 
Mrs Cohen replied, "So did my Arthritis!"

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"      Patient: "I AM 60!" 
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

A Doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. 
The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The Doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"  

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." 
Doctor: "Don't answer!" 

A drunk was in front of a Judge.
The Judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started." 

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? 
They want to. 

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. 
The study revealed that the reason for this is because Won Ton spelled backward is -  Not Now. 

Q : Why don't Jewish mothers drink? 
A : Alcohol interferes with their suffering. 

Q : Why do Jewish mothers make great Parole Officers? 
A : They never let anyone finish a sentence.   

A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices for dinner
take it or leave it.

Q : What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? 
A : Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. 

Q : Why are Jewish Men circumcised? 
A : Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.