Revolutionary United Movement destabilization plot discovered!

Guysnooze Exclusive!!!

The Revolutionary United Movement (RUM) Party has been working assiduously to destabilize the Nation, Guysnooze reporters fist got wind of the plot when they were asked to take a drink with high ranking members of RUM, it must be noted that RUM members or Suckers as they are called are usually a benign bunch, willing to discuss any subject under the sun, moon or stars and that my friends is the basis of this dastardly plot!

Gerry’s kids were the first to suffer from the RUM plot as they were lulled into a false sense of bonhomie before disaster struck! Or was that Dynamic Stuck…. It is reported when the owner of Dynamic Airways called the pilot and asked for an explanation, he answered “RUM kill mih mummah”

Knews reportage also suffered after reporters were waylaid at RUM meetings and the Monday morning meeting went like this:

Uncle Adam: first of all no shouting, mih head hurting... So, what's new? I ent see one email with a new scandal to buss pun the guvament head, I am very disappointed in you all, …. hey, Kachar..anybody call you?, nah? Like everybody loss you number, ....Boss , you have anything, Cowshit call? New charges?  Old charges?  Anything? …sigh Mondays, well give it time something will tun up, so in the meantime we run up some old flags with supposed new twists? Ahhrite pass two aspirin an’ go dig up something….

The Result

Knews Headline : Jagdeo sold microwaves to cheap friends in 2011.

RUM was also to blame for the following statements:

• WPA ‘AFC ent like we”
• APNU “why give a freck?”
• PPP “We give a freck”
• Workers “When it comes to fecking, bigger is better!”
• Prak  “WPA could haul they frecking ass!”

You would think the RUM destabilization campaign would be cautious given their success; however Guysnooze was able to see their hand in the flowing incident after a short interview with suspended magistrate (over a few drinks)

GSZ: suh Judge , wha’ rally happen? Yuh really ask the woman fuh a lash off in court?

MG: Lemme tell you this, and yuh could tell the frecking CJ, the Chancellor, the Furher, they could kiss mih ass! I doan need they wuk, I mek me piece already and now is my time to go on vacation!

GSZ: ah, the suspended sentence!

MG: Quiet, what rass you talking, like you know too much…

GSZ: is nah me …is the RUM talking….

RUM was also partly responsible for the “Freck Jet” incident, while this may seem a wild claim; Guysnooze bases it on US Customs transcripts.

USC: Sir, why do you have so much money on the jet?

Pilot: Duh is nuff money? Is a small freck I had under the seat …

USC: Sir that is a lot of money to me and we demand a full explanation.

Pilot: like you mouth white, look, it’s simple, I was on ,my way to Guyana, where this amount of money is not much, I was looking forward to the regular weekend Rum Sucker meetings and wanted to ensure I could buy a rounds when my turn came, so I throw dis lil small piece under the seat deh and ah had some change in mih briefcase also, you could tell me where every bit of money in your house deh?

USC: hmm, well rules are rules and we are going to hold onto this small piece and make sure you pay your taxes on it, we are going to hold onto this Jet also…

Pilot: dam Rum suckers….

* In an unrelated incident, Elite media Workers were told their salaries would be delayed.

In light of all this compelling evidence,Guysnooze must warn all members of the public that Rum party gatherings will intensify during the month of December as the destabilization campaign gathers momentum, every business is expected to hold a statutory meeting, foreign powers have been co-opted, a large population of non-resident Rum Suckers will descend on the nation, buying drinks for all until the credit cards collapse, Tourist minister Infant Oliy, who must have been under the influence of the RUM  to wear that shirt and make that advertisement , has also invited many to visit during the destabilization period, an investigation of his behavior is underway at Roopas Bar and he may be expelled or promoted within the Party Hierarchy, but first it must be determined which party he is serving….

New RUM party Twitter hashtag #inthisbelief

If you know of any incident where someone is apparently under the influence of the insidious RUM , please take the keys away and report their behavior to us. 

*Guysnooze is accepting invitations to RUM meetings to "observe and report".