This week in the NEWS!!!!

We at Guysnooze have noticed a trend developing in Guyana, SENSATIONAL! NEWS! ALL THE TIME!

Followed by a period of commentary by the usual suspects , a short lull, and then EVEN MORE SENSATIONAL NEWS! , we explore these phenomena in this week’s edition of Guysnooze online by way of invited comments by various members of civil and not so civil society on the hot topics.

We start the ‘CONVERSATION”

Our first response is from local author Rueful Johansen in an interview conducted at the Oasis CafÉ.

GSZ: So Rueful, can you share your views on the… (interrupted)

RJ: The shameless racist PPP sycophant mentality is on clear display, and those who have not condemned this outrageous conversation are JUST as guilty as those who pushed the jews into the ovens and are the same kind of people who put mayonnaise on these delicious quiches made by the Oasis CafÉ on Carmichael street.(shameless plug)

GSZ: (hiding cheese pie behind back) uhm, well got to go, will talk to you soon.

RJ: You may not find me for a few weeks, I am off to spend some time with my German girlfriend, you know, Germany is so superior to the rest of the world; they have top class ovens and can make thousands of Quiches per hour…

GSZ: Enjoy …

GSZ:  Hey Prak, about de conversation…

Prak: Haul yuh ass! …oh is you, sorry thought was duh banna from NCN, yuh know who the “girl” is?

GSZ: Captain Gerry, could you...(interrupted)

Cpt. G: Its FANTASTIC! ABSOLUTLY FANTASTIC! 

GSZ: Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker…. (Speaker ignores us and starts to drive away) …. Uncle Raphael! (car stops)

Mr. Speaker: Why you wasting my time, you too old to be my nephew, if you were younger I would put you across my knee and spank you!

GSZ: Apologies for the deception, we just want to know your views on the “conversation”

Mr. Speaker: What “conversation” I thought Johnny get gagged, if he been talking it might be time for a spanking….

GSZ: ahm… no Mr. Speaker , the Anil conversation… but as you bring it up, don’t you think it’s a bit much to gag a man who says he gave you a blowjob?

Mr. Speaker: not at all, it happens all the time I am told, as for Anil, leh he stew in he own juice, wha he want to know ‘bout girl number, he like a dog chasing a car, wha he gun do if he ketch it? Drive? Hahha (Drives off without offering any of the sweets in the dish on the dashboard)

GSZ:  Dr. Snoozebally, could you give us a comment on the “conversation”

Dr.S:  Why would Anil want the girl’s name? it should be a case of Flirtsy, Squirtsy, Arrivederchi, after all men are like Dogs, in fact I would venture to say Anil would make a good name for an attack Chuiwahwah.

GSZ: Ah, Glen, good to see you, do you have any comment on the “Conversation”?

GL: sniff, sniff, I am so hurt Anil would think to lash one of our female reporting staff, shoot up our establishment and to reveal the location of Reaz’s grapes to dem bai at GPL, it will be a case of sour grapes for Christmas , sniff, sniff.

GSZ: Come now Glen, enough with the crying, we know you are a fearless man, surely you are not afraid of an attack chuiwahwah?

GL: wait, you feel I crying over Anil threats, bai yuh mo stupid than yuh look, I crying over dem hard seat in the Prado dem got me driving, I missing dem nice soff seat on the lexus, it already mould to me batty, is feel like mih ass dead an gone to heaven…

GSZ: Hey, Cowshit sir, can you share your thoughts on the “conversation” ?

CS: I hope all the taxes and import duties were paid on the instruments used to record the alleged conversation, my agency will be investigating and we may have to seize all the phones used by that vagrant bandito owner of Knews to do his dirty work, he is beserk I tell you, Beserk!!, (tears at his hair and mutters distractedly as he shuffles away)

GSZ: Former Commissioner Rolex, could you share your views on the secretly recorded “conversation” with us Sir?

FCR: (cut up eye ‘an ting pun we and stalks away)

GSZ: too soon? ….

As you all may have noticed, news gets stale pretty fast in our neck of the woods,….what?….. well ,we used to have woods, ok then, News gets stale in the Baishanlin neck of the woods, happy now?

We move onto…..

The case of the Speaker’s Mace

GSZ: Mr. Speaker, we understand you lost your mace?

Mr. S: Yes, you heard that eh! , well it was ova deh all the time and then Bam! It gone! (looks under the desk) right Johnny? (muffled reply) well, don’t try to talk with yuh mouth full (looks up) will that be all? I have some one come-ing just now , so I will talk t to you later, goodbye, show yourself out.

GSZ: Hey Sherlock, have you seen the Speaker’s mace?

Sherlock: yes I have, in fact I took it to be cleaned

GSZ: no shit Sherlock! Well then case solved, uhm, by the way, how did it get dirty?

Sherlock: yuh feel because I name Sherlock I is a detective? you dont have the power to ask me questions.

GSZ: (we slink away, suitably chastised)

Breaking News!

Tapir appointed to FIFA  Naturalization committee!