What Santa bring fuh some of dem boys and girls
Dec 25, 2018 , https://www.kaieteurnewsonline...-dem-boys-and-girls/
Santa and Mrs. Claus started travelling from de North Pole since October. De two had to circumvent Saudi Arabia, because they got plenty embassies over there and anything can happen.
They hop on a LIAT plane and stay overnight in Trinidad as Caribbean Airline had cancelled flights because of fog in Guyana and Fly Jamaica was just not happening.
Whole year, Santa say, he got plenty things to worry about. This year, he ain’t giving Donald Trump nothing as he had been a bad boy. Donald from de US, like the other Donald in Guyana, like writing.
One like tweet pun he phone. He sit down in he toilet and in de Oval Office, in Washington, when he suppose to be doing de people wuk and send out 66,246 tweets in 340 days.
That is about 195 tweets a day. Seriously Donald?
The other Donald, in Guyana, he like send plenty letter to the paper. He never see what use to go on in he government but he seeing plenty things now while he rocking in he hammock.
Santa tell dem boys that he select some people in Guyana and after long and hard thought and advice from Mrs. Claus, he gon give Donald in Guyana and some other people who mek de news some gifts.
The fuss one pun he list was Uncle Adam Harris, Editor-in-Chief of Kaieteur News. Santa like Adam.
Adam tun 70 years de other day. He had a big party and invite Uncle Glenn, he best friend and de Gildarie boy and plenty family, some of dem who Adam even can’t remember.
Santa says because 70 come after 69, he bring a dental floss for Uncle Adam. Santa say read between the lines, bai.
Then he tek out another gift from he bag.
Is a dolly! He say that now Uncle Adam turn 70, and is in another league, Uncle Glenn de Publisher need a new friend. Adam was he spar, de two like knock glass. That over now…
Dem boys seh Santa is a real considerate man. Now dem reporters wondering when and what time Uncle Glenn coming to wuk after Christmas Day when he get he gift.
Of course, de Charrandassboy tek de cake.
He get a poker table.
Santa seh Charrandass sit down in Parliament and not even he friends dem know what he was thinking.
He got to be the best poker player in de country.
Santa push he hand again in de bag and tek out something wha dem boys can’t see or touch. “Aha,” he says, “this is a special one for my boy Bar-Rat.” Well you know Bar-Rat nah get nothing much fuh do. He can’t run fuh president again and he watching Irfaat and he watching Anil. He watching Frank de doctor, and he watching Gail and dem wondering which one of dem he will chose for de presidential candidate. He nah even looking at de young Ramson boy.
Santa say is a life he bring fuh Bar-Rat. Santa explain that Bar-Rat need to get a life and left de PeePeePee to do dem thing. He is not president no more and he will never be.
A Rabbit Tail
De next pun de list is de Attorney General Basil Williams.
Santa smile. He put on he glove and tek it out from de bag and show dem boys. Is a rabbit tail.
Santa is a good man. He like to see people do well. He want Basil de AG to win some cases. He hope de rabbit tail gun help improve he track record for de country.
Santa got a good memory. He say he can’t remember Basil and forget Anil, de former AG. De two of them like arch enemies.
He tek out five hand and five mouth from he bag of goodies. He say that he want Anil to do well.
Anil, he say, like put he hand and mouth in everything. Santa say five more hand and five more mouth gun help Anil and Guyana.
Santa start laughing when he push he hands in the bag again. He tek out an angry parrot who eyes red. De parrot look like he was drinking whole night. De parrot start cussing.
This one is for de lawyer man, Ryan ‘F…ing’ Crawford. Santa like Ryan too. He, Ryan, cuss a traffic policeman 72 times in 59 seconds.
Everybody like Ryan after then. He had a whole cricket team of lawyers to represent him when he get charge.
De parrot will help Ryan de lawyer counsel heself by teaching de parrot wha he know.
Typewriter For Donald
Uncle Donald, the former President get a typewriter and some ropes.
Santa look worried. He say he like Uncle Donald. The rope is to make the hammock stronger and de typewriter is for he to write more letter. He want Uncle Donald to be comfortable and safe in he hammock.
Santa bring a recliner chair for Uncle Joe. As de Minister of State, Uncle Joe does meet a lot a people, and he and everybody is friends. He does listen. And he does smile like a diplomat.
Santa tek out a soup bowl next from he bag. He say this is for de Indar, de Chamber boy. He like soup, Santa say. He also like to hang around where de soup deh. De bowl is for he to walk with.
The next man pun de list is Uncle Raphael. De Minister of Natural Resources has been missing for a long while. Dem boys can’t see him. Santa can’t see him. Santa say he baby keeping he up late at night.
Santa bring a GPS tracker for Uncle Raphael. The GPS tracker is for dem boys to know if he still deh around and wheh he deh.
Santa also bring a water pitcher for de Finance man, Winston Jordan.
Santa say he sit down four hours and listen to the budget speech wha Jordan give, and he get tired of listening.
He say that de minister must get thirsty steady. The water pitcher will come in handy.
Santa also pull out a big Afro comb next. He bring dis for de boy Mikhail ‘Guyanese Critic’ Rodrigues. Critic don’t like comb he hair yet he want deh pun internet TV and Santa is old school. Santa like to comb even he own beard.
Fuh de Public Infrastructure man, Patterson, Santa say he order a Chinese/English dictionary. That is because de ministry dealing with a lot of Chinese and it would help de minister to talk to dem better.
Santa then push he hands in he pocket and tek out two cheques.
He say one is for Khemraj ‘Uncle Praks’ Ramjattan.
A Truck For Khemraj
Santa wants Praks to buy a container truck. The truck is fuh use fuh de mobile prison cell that de minister want to set up at de Camp Street jail.
Santa seh Praks will drive de truck heself and showcase all de boys in jail, even Bar-Rat and Irfaat when dem get sentence.
Of course, Santa is a very careful man cause Mrs Claus is a serious woman. You can’t bad talk other woman when you deh round she.
But Santa has a gift for Nicolette Henry, de Education Lady. Santa giving she a cheque too. She gon buy shelves for all dem text books worth millions which she does store on the ground at the book bonds. Santa say he want Nicolette to do well and learn, that the money wuh spend on the books ain’t she own.
Santa tek a deep breath and tek out three more gifts.
This is de last three, he said.
One is for former Mayor Patricia Chase-Green.
According to Santa, one parcel has two shovels- one for digging a hole fuh she colleagues and de other fuh digging a hole fuh she self.
According to Santa, you can’t sell out nobody if dem same ones know yuh bedroom stories.
But while Patricia who get chase from de mayorship get two shovel, Santa had a small package for Royston, de Town Clown.
A tape for Royston
He get measuring tape. Santa say that he gun get punish for doing some stupid things and allowing some stupid things to happen at City Hall.
He gun use the measuring tape for surveying lands as that might be he next job. According to Santa, Royston like measure lands wha dey in de city, especially ones that ain’t belong to he. When he done that, he gun be allowed to take the measuring tape into Praks mobile jail cell and measure too.
Santa then tek out a big towel, with red, yellow and green. He bring this for Priya. Santa believe that the MP is an emotional woman and when she talk everybody does cry. The towel is for she to share around.
The last gift Santa tek out is for President David Granger.
Santa like David. Santa say he nah know he to be a corrupt man. Wuh Santa know is that the President needs some more help to choose some of his important people.
Santa bring him a game of Monopoly.
According to Santa, David play too much Snakes and Ladders when he choosing people. Some of them does get swallow by dem big snakes.
Since he is a Soulja Bai he need something more like Monopoly, which got Chances and Go Directly To Jail spots.
Santa and Mrs. Claus wish David better health for next year and want to wish all dem boys and girls who na get gifts to be on the lookout for next Year.
