A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain
so that they can see their own doctor.
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Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of
humus and Taramasalata.
It's a double dip recession.
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A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are
busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed..
The police are blaming AL IKEA .
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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Blow that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......
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Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
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Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka!
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Sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .
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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!