ASJ bhai ... re Dil ki nazar se
Yours is the editorial red pencil, sure, but two changes you made yielded meanings different from the intended sense:
Dil ki nazar se, nazaron ki dil se
from the gaze of the heart, gaze of the heart
I had written it like this:
from the gaze of the heart, heart of the gaze
the first occurance is "dil ki nazar" ie. heart's gaze and the second is "nazaron ke dil" meaning gazes' heart.
nice reversal, just like:
tujhko dekhaa hai meree nazaron ne, teree taareef ho magar kaise
my eyes have gazed on you, but it is so difficult to praise you
ke bane ye nazar zubaan kaise, ke bane ye zubaan nazar kaise
for how can my gaze be my tongue, and how can my tongue gaze up to you
naa zubaan ko dikhaayi detaa hai, naa nigaahon se baat hothee hai
the tongue can not see anything, and the gaze can not articulate
the other change was:
Kya, dekh kar, aaj hain itne khush chaand taare)-2
they have witnessed happiness of the moon and stars
the intended sense is like this:
what have the moon and stars witnessed that they are so happy today
my two paisas worth.