'

Radha, what you posted is so true and it touched me a lot, not very different from what is written below.

'The Action of Forgiveness is to forget'. That is if we true believe in God.

God forgives us unconditionally. Not forgetting is animosity.

...............................................................................................

ANIMOSITY AND ITS CONSEQUENCES.

My first attempt at writing this article takes place minutes
after I heard that my long time friend Patricia passed on, after a
long struggle with cancer. During her last years we exchanged lengthy emails  about her illness and glaucoma in my eyes, that could cause
blindness.

Patricia’s deepest regret after she passes on, is not living long
enough to see her children and grandchildren grow up and to be with them for  at least part of their older life. It is with deep sorry for my friend, that  I attempt to write about ANIMOSITY AND ITS CONSEQUENCES, as it relates to families.

Patricia not being able to live a long life with her
children and grandchildren has supported my long belief that : Those of us in  reasonable good health don't take the opportunity to heal wounds in
relationships, when we might have the ability to do so, while others with
critical illness, who would like to live longer with their families, don't
have the same choice.

Animosity is one of the most common forms of dislike in relationships. When relating to families, the consequences could  be severe if not resolved.
Animosity caused by sibling reverie in childhood  years would seem silly to
be taken to adulthood, but many tarnished by dislike as children, continue
to do so as adults.

Sometimes   miscommunication could cause animosity, where a person of
influence in a  family tells a one-sided story to children and relationship
is broken with a  spouse or other siblings.
This seems to be a common occurrence with  relatives and friends, where
information is not verified and a rumour can be so intense, that one person believes it and hold it against another,  sometimes for a lifetime.

Animosity between families, relatives and friends  can sometimes last
decades, or a lifetime. The wound, true or false, can be  so deeply perceived that all communication is broken and no one takes the
initiative with the first word, to seek forgiveness.

FORGIVENESS IS AN ACTION TO FORGET

Without forgiveness, there can be no resolve from animosity.
Sometimes a person would say they forgive, but their attitude is not followed  by an action.

Forgiveness without action for healing to take place is not a  true act of contrition.

Some of us in our religious belief tend to live secular lives, when we are not in a place of worship.

Lack of healing from  animosity can have serious consequences in our
families. Nothing can change our relationships as sisters, brothers, mothers and fathers. If the other person passes on before forgiveness is sought, the guilt can result in severe  consequences.

There are cases where sisters and brothers who were once
best friends, broke their relationship because of a simple disagreement and after one person passes on with no forgiveness taking place, the other feeling  guilty, could experience deep depression and could eventually die from a heart attack or other forms of depression, including suicide.

FAMILY AVOIDANCE.

In some cases parents [and siblings] are not invited to
children’s wedding, but if the parent becomes sick and passes on, the
child feeling guilty might cause depression and tremendous upset in their own  family, when they realized the severe mistake they made and the deep hurt  they caused their parents.

As an example, when a young couple was  visiting her mother and third husband during a special event in their town where most of the hotel rooms were taken, the couple was asked to leave in  order to accommodate the husband’s unannounced relatives. In desperation to
find accommodation the younger wife said, “Let me see if we can stay at my  father’s place”, to which her husband asked surprisingly ”You have a Dad ! Where was he when we got married ?”. She replied “My mother and grandma did  not want him there.”
He was an old man living alone, whose fault was to  discover his wife with
another man in their isolated farming home.
This  avoidance reoccurred decades after the young couple was divorced and at their daughter’s wedding, her father was not invited.
Unless this cycle of avoidance is broken in a family,  it might continue to cause animosity as the norm for future  generations.

“It might help to keep in mind that a parent whose relationship with you
requires that you marginalize the other parent is not showing love.
He or she is showing selfishness”.

When grandchildren are withheld from grandparents due to animosity by the parents, the children are placed at  a great disadvantage and loses a
critical part of their childhood. When the  child becomes an adult and
discovered that their grandparents was alive  during their childhood years,
it might be a difficult question for the parent  to answer, “Why did I not meet them” ? This could cause further animosity  between children and parents.
In cases where grandchildren are withheld  from grandparents , the senior has lived a full life and knows from  experience, after they passed on, the consequences and guilt the children might feel towards their parents.
Unfortunately, there is no reversal or playback to this scenario and if
young parents don't understand this important criteria, they might have to
live with animosity from their  children for the rest of their lives.

They say, what goes around, comes  around. This seems to be true when we fail to honour our mothers and fathers.  As teenagers and young adults many of us offended our parents with things  that we are sorry about later in life.
In one case, a father and teenage son was repairing a fence, Sunday after
church. The father took the opportunity  to talk to the son about the facts
of life, but being shallow-minded and  arrogant, the son dropped the hammer in anger and went with his  friends.
Years later, also on a Sunday afternoon, when the son was lying on
his bunk on board ship in the Pacific ocean, he suddenly
understood what the father was trying to explain and he started to cry for
the deep hurt he caused his father.

When he visited his father months later to seek forgiveness, he repeated the incident and remembering that time, the father said, ‘ Son, you are growing up and will do well ‘.

In our young family life with children, long working hours and huge bills,
we might be too busy to think of the long term consequences of our actions. But the manner in which our consciousness and mind works for checks and balances to keep us sincere, it is important that we take time to understand our actions and non-action, regarding our relationships. If this is ignored and animosity is allowed to fester in our lives, with the other person not around to seek  forgiveness, as we get older, the consequences could result in severe health  issues.

As seniors, after our children become adults and our lives become
more stable, we are able to reflect more fully about our own life and
our relationship with others, but it might be too late to heal
relationships, when others might not be around anymore.

When we reflect as Patricia had done to settle our relationship
with God,  our family and others, little else matters.
Sometimes we have to live a full  life and not until we become seniors, with a life of experiences, that we are able to fully understand the importance of our relationship with God and  others, including our family and friends.

With Much love,
Tola
..............................................................................................................................................................................

Patricia's  last mail is as follows:

Sent: Monday, October
07, 2013 10:53 PM
Subject: Prayers needed

The cancer has spread into my lungs and liver...lots of nodules in lungs

.......................................................................................................................

Ashling's tribute to her mother:

“Because we loved there will be tears

Because we laughed there will be memories

Because she lived there will still be  joy.”

................................................................................  

FORGIVE AND FORGET

1.  God will forgive and even conceal our own sins and shortcomings in this Duniya/World when we forgive other's wholeheartedly.

2.  Letting go of our anger and bitterness can work wonders for both your attitude and your health, not to mention your relationships.

3.  When someone hurts us we are naturally angry, we are after all humans, but are we gonna let those who hurt us WIN, (NO), becuz when we get angry and hold on to it, we are ruining our own health, therefore if we let go of anger and leave the revenge part in God's hands, then we are true winners becuz not only we made God happy but we are in control of our own lives and our own happiness and why should we ruin our health for someone's anger/someone's problems? Right or wrong?

4.  Think of yourself as a student instead of a victim.  It is convenient, and even safe, to think of yourself as a victim when someone has wronged you, but instead, try to put a positive spin on the situation and see if there is something that you can really learn from the experience.  If you accept that there is a lesson to be learned, then you will be less likely to resent the person for hurting you.(also please remind yourself of how you felt after you hurt someone - and how much you wanted to be forgiven).

5.  Please note that forgiving actually relieves our stress level.  Studies have shown that being unforgiving and dwelling on the injustices that were done to you can actually raise your blood pressure, increase your heart rate, make your muscles tense, and lead you to be much more stressed out than if you worked on forgiving the person instead.  The longer you hold on to your angry feelings, the worse your body and mind will feel. And please why do you want to hurt yourself then?

6.  Remember that forgiveness really is a choice.  You can decide to start forgiving, all those people who have hurt you, may be very badly, but by forgiving them you come out as a winner yourself, by making you feel better physically and mentally. And believe me who doesn't want that?  There may be some people who may have ruined your life or made you feel absolutely miserable for no fault of yours, chances are you are deeply hurt? (Believe me it has happened to me many a times), but when you think wisely you will know that it is not the end of the world.  It is in your hands to forgive them and forget those sad and hurtful incidents and move on proudly and again you continue to come out as a winner both in this world and in the here after. (Believe me some people in this world are so bad that for what ever reason they will even go as far as using magic/Sehr and Jinns/Jeannies on you to marry you, or to win a case or what nots and the hurt is so deep but we have to still leave it in the hands of God and move on in life becuz life doesn't stop).

QUOTES:

A.  The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

by Mahatma Gandhi.

B.   "People are often unreasonable and self-centered, forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.  Be honest anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway". - Mother Teresa.

FORGIVE AND FORGET

1.  God will forgive and even conceal our own sins and shortcomings in this Duniya/World when we forgive other's wholeheartedly.

---- This comes with a pre-requisite for belief in God.

2.  Letting go of our anger and bitterness can work wonders for both your attitude and your health, not to mention your relationships.

---- You can just as easily let go of the anger and bitterness without forgiving and forgetting. However, anger and bitterness will also go away after getting even.

3.  When someone hurts us we are naturally angry, we are after all humans, but are we gonna let those who hurt us WIN, (NO), becuz when we get angry and hold on to it, we are ruining our own health, therefore if we let go of anger and leave the revenge part in God's hands, then we are true winners becuz not only we made God happy but we are in control of our own lives and our own happiness and why should we ruin our health for someone's anger/someone's problems? Right or wrong?

---- When someone hurts me I cry.... then I get even. About the God part, see 1.

4.  Think of yourself as a student instead of a victim.  It is convenient, and even safe, to think of yourself as a victim when someone has wronged you, but instead, try to put a positive spin on the situation and see if there is something that you can really learn from the experience.  If you accept that there is a lesson to be learned, then you will be less likely to resent the person for hurting you.(also please remind yourself of how you felt after you hurt someone - and how much you wanted to be forgiven).

---- You can positively learn how to get even. In the process, you can learn every nasty little secret about the enemy, to use to your benefit.

5.  Please note that forgiving actually relieves our stress level.  Studies have shown that being unforgiving and dwelling on the injustices that were done to you can actually raise your blood pressure, increase your heart rate, make your muscles tense, and lead you to be much more stressed out than if you worked on forgiving the person instead.  The longer you hold on to your angry feelings, the worse your body and mind will feel. And please why do you want to hurt yourself then?

---- a little stress is good to keep focus. You cannot afford to lose sight of the enemy

6.  Remember that forgiveness really is a choice.  You can decide to start forgiving, all those people who have hurt you, may be very badly, but by forgiving them you come out as a winner yourself, by making you feel better physically and mentally. And believe me who doesn't want that?  There may be some people who may have ruined your life or made you feel absolutely miserable for no fault of yours, chances are you are deeply hurt? (Believe me it has happened to me many a times), but when you think wisely you will know that it is not the end of the world.  It is in your hands to forgive them and forget those sad and hurtful incidents and move on proudly and again you continue to come out as a winner both in this world and in the here after. (Believe me some people in this world are so bad that for what ever reason they will even go as far as using magic/Sehr and Jinns/Jeannies on you to marry you, or to win a case or what nots and the hurt is so deep but we have to still leave it in the hands of God and move on in life becuz life doesn't stop).

---- you can win just as well, and have more pleasure, by getting even. We'll can worry about the hereafter when we get there.

We can suffer many sleepless night scheming how to get even.

True of many with secular lives.

I believe life has more advantages, if we try not to get even.

True of many who feel God is in control.  

Pursuing a college degree or raising a newborn can give even more sleepless nights. There's nothing wrong with a few sleepless nights here and there... think about the joy in the end. There's no fun in forgiving and forgetting.

Are we willing to forgive and forget whoever wronged us ?

Thank you Anta, you made me morning wid a laugh.

I know all about the newborn, who might experience the same later this year. They sure grow up fast.     

* Is who wronged a nice woman like Radha ? Listen Radha! Don't worry! KARMA will deal with deh rass.

* So should Radha forgive Lil Johnny who wronged her ?

* The way this forgiveness business works is like this---if you want to move on with your life---you have to forgive.

* Now when you forgive---you are not changing the past---the wrongs Lil Johnny did remain wrongs----Radha can't change that.

* And if Radha chooses to forgive Lil Johnny---it's not like she is wishing him a great life. No friggin way.

* You see forgiveness is not something you do for the other person. It is something you do for yourself if you want to move on with your life. The day Radha forgives Lil Johnny is the day she sets herself free and moves on with her life.

* When someone hurts you---never try to get even---don't plot and scheme against them---you'll only keep hurting yourself----leave it all to KARMA-----when people hurt you---they will receive 10 times the hurt----compliments of Karma.

* Thankfully the Rev has never had to forgive anyone in his short stay on earth so far----Rev is a kind, loving, generous human being and has met only nice human beings in his life so far---actually, the evil ones who crossed my path---I weeded them out in no time----never tolerate toxic people in your life---weed them out.

Rev

Pure bs... Radha... you get the mfer... you become their karma.

* Good morning to you too antabanta.

Rev

Why thank you little Revie... and good morning to you too my idrine.

i have don't usually contemplate revenge for that which i have not forgiven....

...............

when it comes to my husband, my children and my parents...they can do not wrong that is not forgiven and even forgotten...

even when i planed revenge for something my hubby did, i realised that i would cause ME more harm than good if i went ahead with my plan...so i hastily exited from that revenge avenue

@ anta

for me, it's forgive and forget. I can't say I was ever majorally wronged but I think I would be able to forgive someone. It's not in me to hold malice.

comeon... admit it... you juss to bleddy friken fa get even.

FORGIVE AND FORGET

1.  God will forgive and even conceal our own sins and shortcomings in this Duniya/World when we forgive other's wholeheartedly.

2.  Letting go of our anger and bitterness can work wonders for both your attitude and your health, not to mention your relationships.

3.  When someone hurts us we are naturally angry, we are after all humans, but are we gonna let those who hurt us WIN, (NO), becuz when we get angry and hold on to it, we are ruining our own health, therefore if we let go of anger and leave the revenge part in God's hands, then we are true winners becuz not only we made God happy but we are in control of our own lives and our own happiness and why should we ruin our health for someone's anger/someone's problems? Right or wrong?

4.  Think of yourself as a student instead of a victim.  It is convenient, and even safe, to think of yourself as a victim when someone has wronged you, but instead, try to put a positive spin on the situation and see if there is something that you can really learn from the experience.  If you accept that there is a lesson to be learned, then you will be less likely to resent the person for hurting you.(also please remind yourself of how you felt after you hurt someone - and how much you wanted to be forgiven).

5.  Please note that forgiving actually relieves our stress level.  Studies have shown that being unforgiving and dwelling on the injustices that were done to you can actually raise your blood pressure, increase your heart rate, make your muscles tense, and lead you to be much more stressed out than if you worked on forgiving the person instead.  The longer you hold on to your angry feelings, the worse your body and mind will feel. And please why do you want to hurt yourself then?

6.  Remember that forgiveness really is a choice.  You can decide to start forgiving, all those people who have hurt you, may be very badly, but by forgiving them you come out as a winner yourself, by making you feel better physically and mentally. And believe me who doesn't want that?  There may be some people who may have ruined your life or made you feel absolutely miserable for no fault of yours, chances are you are deeply hurt? (Believe me it has happened to me many a times), but when you think wisely you will know that it is not the end of the world.  It is in your hands to forgive them and forget those sad and hurtful incidents and move on proudly and again you continue to come out as a winner both in this world and in the here after. (Believe me some people in this world are so bad that for what ever reason they will even go as far as using magic/Sehr and Jinns/Jeannies on you to marry you, or to win a case or what nots and the hurt is so deep but we have to still leave it in the hands of God and move on in life becuz life doesn't stop).

QUOTES:

A.  The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

by Mahatma Gandhi.

B.   "People are often unreasonable and self-centered, forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.  Be honest anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway". - Mother Teresa.

In a nutshell...no.

How far forward did Jesus get after he forgave them?

I say this unto my brethren, coming up with detailed, well thought out, focused strategy for revenge, then tediously implementing it is damn well moving forward.

There is no god, Ghandi, his liberation of India notwithstanding, was a duplicitous and little fairy and mother Theresa was a big waste of time.

Stormy:

* How dare you attack a sweet old lady like Mother Teresa ?

* YOU MUST HATE YOUR MOTHER.

* Only a man who hates his mother would attack sweet old Mother Teresa.

Rev

===

now i know who to call if ever I should have the need to map out a revenge plan

I adore my mother....it has nothing to do with the fact this woman spent her time expanding her ministry and not expanding her attention to the poor on whose backs she raised the loot.

i do not care if you believe me or not. I cannot constrain wilfull ignorance. Anyone here can research her charity work and the criticisms of it from very substantial sources. Huffington post said it was a myth and I do not even read them on a daily basis.

* Lemme get this straight! Mother Teresa was awarded the prestigious Nobel Prize for her outstanding humanitarian work, and you come here quoting some lil pipsqueak American publication, Huffington Post, casting aspersions on the woman ?

* Listen bai haul yuh rass. And don't chat nonsense whenever you address the Rev.

Rev

Did the Nobel prize stop you from raking Obama? Again....I do not try to convince you. You have too much air in that head to buffer any good sense coming in.

* We are not talking about Obama here---that poor bwoy has enough problems---Democrats face historic losses next Tueday in the mid term election.

http://www3.blogs.rollcall.com...midterm-loss-record/

RE: MOTHER TERESA

* She was a remarkable woman. Shame on you for casting aspersions on the woman.

Rev