that had to be a Scots Irish!

* A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

* Suddenly, Lorraine died.

* At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone." hahahaha

Rev

AFTER THE HONEYMOON

* A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks him what's wrong.

* "Well," replies the man, "when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

* "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. " I am sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years."

* "That's not the problem," the groom says. "She gave me $20 change."hahahahaha

Rev

Sounds more like an IRISH man...

A married man left work early one Friday,but instead of going home,he spent the weekend partying with the boys.When he finally returned home on Sunday night,his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.After a few hours of swearing and screaming,his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer."How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?" The husband couldn't believe his luck,so he looked up,smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!" Monday went by,and the man didn't see his wife.Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.Come Thursday,the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

THE HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND

* A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.

* They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

* "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."

* She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

* "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."hahaha

Rev

HERE'S LIL JOHNNY

* Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

* She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

* Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

* Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

* The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

* To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

* On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

* Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"hahahahaha

Hope she didn't starve him for a week.

Rev

The mother should have let him know that the "F" in sex is you Johnny

Six!!! Homerun!!

Nice Ball.

ball deh pon daball tarass.

EXTRA LARGE CONDOMS

* A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

* The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy one?"

* The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one?"hahahahaha

Rev

THE CONFESSION

* Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest  that he has committed adultery. 

* "Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town.

* "Was it with Marie Brown?"

* "I'd rather not say who it was."

* "Was it with Betty Smith?" 

* "I'd rather not say," says Joe.   So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves.

* While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution. 

* "Yes, and two very good leads!"hahahaha

Rev

LITTLE JOHNNY AND SEX ED

* At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV.

* Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. “Great,” said the teacher, “that's very important. ”

* Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. “Well, that has to do with it too,” said the teacher.

* Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all.

* The teacher said, “Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education.”

* “Yes it does,” said Johnny, ” it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne.”hahahaha

Rev

MAN AT BED TIME

* A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around.

* As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?"

* She laughs and gets in his bed. When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again.

* Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."hahahahaha

Rev

Typical WI, oce he get his Piece, Ker Yuh Rass suh

GRANDPA BREAKS DOWN MARRIED SEX

* The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.

* His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year -- maybe on your anniversary."

* The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"

* His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"hahahaha

Rev

DEVIL IN THE CHURCH

* One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

* Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

* The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

* Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

* "Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

* Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

* The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."hahahahaha

Rev

This is funny!

* Share this with the girls.

* Women with low self esteem and low self worth tend to gravitate toward men who treat them like floor cloth.

* If your daughters are half the woman you are they'll choose well.

* No smileys--I mean that.

Rev

IN HIS IMAGE

* A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

*  While on the operating table she had a near death experience.  Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

* Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck.   She even had someone change her hair color. 

* Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

* She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.

* Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?!   Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"

* God replied, "I didn't recognize you."hahahahaha

Rev

PS. God surely has a sense of humor.

Moral of the joke:  when you have a makeover, make sure God can recognize you.  lol

SEXUAL SOFA

* An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.

* "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."

* "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

* "Sectional, schmectional. All I want is an occasional piece in the living room."hahahahaha

The elderly have their needs and desires too.

Rev

LAYAWAY PLAN

* Sam brings a beautiful woman into a fancy Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" Sam exclaims.

* As the lady tries on the coat, the furrier discreetly whispers to the man, "Ah sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."

* "No problem. I'll write you a check."

* "Very good, sir," says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after your check has cleared."

* On Monday, Sam returns. The store owner is outraged, "How dare you show your face in here? There isn't a single penny in your checking account."

* "I just had to come by," grins Sam, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life."hahahaha

The shyt men will do---lie, plot, scheme, etc, etc to fool and con women.

Rev

That can't be a Guyanese! She would make sure she going home with the coat first, having it valued by experts, showing it off to her friends, then discuss taking it off

I heard some people like their fur burgers too 

THE MINK COAT STORY

* The sexy and attractive Toronto wife told her husband that she was going on vacation with a girlfriend.

* She spent a wild, wonderful week with her fabulously wealthy lover, who at the end of the week gave her a beautiful $10,000 Mink Coat.

* Obviously, she couldn't bring it home, and so she devised a plan.

* She pawned the Mink coat. And then later she casually mentioned to her husband that she found a pawn ticket.

* "Honey, on your lunch break today can you stop at the pawn shop and see what this is ?" she asked, handing the pawn ticket to her husband.

* Her husband returned that evening and told the wife it was nothing but a cheap watch.

* The next day his secretary was wearing a $10,000 Mink Coat.hahahaha

Rev

CHOOSING A WIFE

* A man had to choose one of his three girlfriends to marry. He decided to give each one $5,000 and see how they spent it.

* The first one got a makeover with the money. She told the man, "I spent the money to look prettier for you because I love you so much."

* The second one bought new golf clubs and a television. She said, "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much."

* The third one invested the money in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned the $5000 to the man and reinvested the rest. She said, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

* The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money.

* He finally decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.hahahaha

Men are from Mars.

Rev

THE 45 DIFFERENCE

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Rev