A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

A man went to Harley Street, London and saw a card advertising for a
Gynaecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk
for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read :

"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You
have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and
carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and
gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so
they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination.

The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to
go to Manchester"

"My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.

She answered, "No sir, that's where the end of the queue is."

I wonda how far it is from Toronto to Manchester???

quote:

Originally posted by cain:
I wonda how far it is from Toronto to Manchester???

Cain
you don't have to go too far by now the Queue is in Montreal

The queue has stretched all the way to New Jersey!

i guess you is the laughting bird

An Irish Family Tradition

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been
able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the
far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat
out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly
drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Granny,' he asked, "It's me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the
lake like me fa, his fa, and his fa before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because
your fa, your grandfa and your great grandfa were all born in December, when
the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip shit.

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

Well, I have done something about it: A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some mates and had a few too many whiskies as well as beers and some rather nice claret; but knowing full well that I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before -

I took a bus home.



I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before.

At the wedding reception someone yelled...

"Would all the married men,
please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living?"
.


The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Birdie is de man!

Bird, thanks. You bright up the day.