Q:I’m in a polyamorous relationship. My primary partner and I live together in a large apartment. When the wife of my out-of-town friend recently died, I didn’t want him spending Christmas alone.

I talked him into staying in our spare room for a few weeks. We all had a good time eating, talking, watching movies, etc.

I retire early as my puppy gets me up around 6 a.m. My partner and my friend would stay up together. I’d said to her that it’d be weird for me if they hooked up, and reiterated it when I noticed they were getting closer.

She said they’d hooked up a couple nights previous, she was sorry and knew she should’ve discussed it with me. I later said that what made me angry was that she knew it’d irritate me and did it anyway while I was sleeping.

She said she couldn’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen again, but later said she’d just remain friends with him.

Yesterday morning, she said he was in a bad way emotionally and she was going out of town to take care of him for a couple days. They left abruptly.

I had only 30 seconds to adjust my expectations for the rest of the week and weekend.

I later texted her that she shouldn’t spring that kind of thing on me, I wouldn’t have reacted badly if I’d had time to replan my week.

I said that I understand helping someone out in a mental health crisis but I thought she should avoid anything romantic with him because that changed things into me just not being a priority.

I'd always been the jealous type before exploring polyamory. Now, I’m just accepting this thing that I'm justified in being angry about.

Either I’m dead inside from past trauma or (worse) the relationship really doesn't mean that much to me. Your thoughts?