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MEANWHILE, BACK IN TEXAS  

 

Husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing. 

 

Husband:  My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home....

 

Sergeant:  What is her height? 

 

Husband:  Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. 

 

Sergeant:  Weight? 

 

Husband:  Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

 

Sergeant:  Color of eyes?

 

Husband:  Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

 

Sergeant:  Color of hair? 

 

Husband:  Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

 

Sergeant:  What was she wearing? 

 

Husband:  Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

 

Sergeant:  What kind of car did she go in?

 

Husband:  She went in my truck. 

 

Sergeant:  What kind of truck was it? 

 

Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up.. 

 

Sergeant:  Take it easy, we'll find your truck.

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A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic !

2.

Strike while the

bug   is close.

3.

It's always darkest before

Daylight   Saving Time..

4.

Never underestimate the power of

termites.

5.

You can lead a horse to water but

how?

6.

Don't bite the hand that

looks   dirty.

7.

No news is

impossible.

8.

A miss is as good as a

Mr.

9.

You can't teach an old dog new

math.

10.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll

stink   in the morning.

11.

Love all, trust

me.

12.

The pen is mightier than the

pigs.

13.

An idle mind is

the   best way to relax.

14.

Where there's smoke there's

pollution.

15.

Happy the bride who

gets   all the presents.

16.

A penny saved is

not   much.

17.

Two's company, three's

the   Musketeers.

18.

Don't put off till tomorrow what

you   put on to go to bed.

19.

Laugh and the whole world laughs   with you, cry and

you   have to blow your nose.

20.

There are none so blind as

Stevie   Wonder.

21.

Children should be seen and not

spanked   or grounded.

22.

If at first you don't succeed

get   new batteries.

23.

You get out of something only what   you

see   in the picture on the box.

24.

When the blind lead the blind

get   out of the way.

25.

A bird in the hand

is   going to poop on you.

And   the WINNER and last one!

26.

Better late than

pregnant.

ball

Manure... An interesting fact


Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.
                       

 


It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course.. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOM!
  Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. 

 


Thus evolved the term 'S.H.I.T.' (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

 

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

 

Neither did I.

 

I had always thought it was a golf term!!!!

 

ball

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