JEWISH DIVORCE...

A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Irv." All he Wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel."

Her mother says,
"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman,
You live in an 8 Bedroom mansion You drive a $250,000 Ferrari, you get $2,000 a week allowance,
you take 6 vacations a year and You want to throw all that away.... Over 45 cents?"

Golfing Hit Man

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'

'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.


Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'

'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.

'You're joking!' was the response.

'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'

'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom... Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her......He's naked, too!!!

He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'

'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'

'Can you do two for me now?'

'Sure, what do you want?'

'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.'

'Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his d __k off to teach him a lesson.'

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.

'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand here.....'

Two Guyanese seniors were liming one day, when one ask...

Why does a chicken coup have two doors.
I dont know, said the other.
If it had four doors, it will be called a chicken sedan.

quote:

Originally posted by bird:

Hell is Where:

The Chefs are British,

That's slanderous. British chefs rate amongst some of the best of modern cuisine.

quote:

Two Guyanese seniors were liming one day, when one ask...

Why does a chicken coup have two doors.
I dont know, said the other.
If it had four doors, it will be called a chicken sedan.

So my coup have one door we will call it a hatchback.

quote:

Originally posted by bird:

quote:

Two Guyanese seniors were liming one day, when one ask...

Why does a chicken coup have two doors.
I dont know, said the other.
If it had four doors, it will be called a chicken sedan.

So my coup have one door we will call it a hatchback.

Yes, a Pinto hatchback, which can be doubled for a harse stable.

[Those things had exploding gas tanks, when hit from behind]

Bird, you an Isetta. The Urkle type.

quote:

Originally posted by bird:

quote:

Two Guyanese seniors were liming one day, when one ask...

Why does a chicken coup have two doors.
I dont know, said the other.
If it had four doors, it will be called a chicken sedan.

So my coup have one door we will call it a hatchback.

quote:

The Urkle type

Them type cars call some price these days.