... don't blame the messanger. 
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Fiji!!!
Who knew?
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin..., I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"
Next thing I know 4,000 damn Muslims have added me as a friend!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied,
"No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
The Agony of Hearing Loss:
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my hearing impaired friend.
He was busy painting his penis with a black marker.
I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
(November 6th this year - monitor your hearing impaired male friends.)
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Fiji!!!
Who knew?
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin..., I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"
Next thing I know 4,000 damn Muslims have added me as a friend!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied,
"No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
The Agony of Hearing Loss:
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my hearing impaired friend.
He was busy painting his penis with a black marker.
I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
(November 6th this year - monitor your hearing impaired male friends.)
