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'Wife-sharing' haunts villages short of girls


By Reuters

Baghpat: When Munni arrived in this fertile, sugarcane-growing region of north India as a young bride years ago, little did she imagine she would be forced into having sex and bearing children with her husband's two brothers who had failed to find wives.

"My husband and his parents said I had to share myself with his brothers," said the woman in her mid-40s, dressed in a yellow sari, sitting in a village community centre in Baghpat district in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh.

"They took me whenever they wanted — day or night. When I resisted, they beat me with anything at hand," said Munni, who had managed to leave her home after three months only on the pretext of visiting a doctor.

"Sometimes they threw me out and made me sleep outside or they poured kerosene over me and burned me."


Many more

Such cases are rarely reported to police because women in these communities are seldom allowed outside the home unaccompanied, and the crimes carry deep stigma for the victims. So there may be many more women like Munni in the mud-hut villages of the area.

Munni, who has three sons from her husband and his brothers, has not filed a police complaint either.

Social workers say decades of aborting female babies in a deeply patriarchal culture has led to a decline in the population of women in some parts of India, like Baghpat, and in turn has resulted in rising incidents of rape, human trafficking and the emergence of "wife-sharing" among brothers.

Aid workers say the practice of female foeticide has flourished among several communities across the country because of a traditional preference for sons, who are seen as old-age security.

"We are already seeing the terrible impacts of falling numbers of females in some communities," says Bhagyashri Dengle, executive director of children's charity Plan India.

"We have to take this as a warning sign and we have to do something about it or we'll have a situation where women will constantly be at risk of kidnap, rape and much, much worse."

Just two hours drive from New Delhi, with its gleaming office towers and swanky malls, where girls clad in jeans ride motorbikes and women occupy senior positions in multinationals, the mud-and-brick villages of Baghpat appear a world apart.

Here, women veil themselves in the presence of men, are confined to the compounds of their houses as child bearers and home makers, and are forbidden from venturing out unaccompanied.

Village men farm the lush sugarcane plantations or sit idle on charpoys, or traditional rope beds, under the shade of trees in white cotton tunics, drinking tea, some smoking shishah pipes while lamenting the lack of brides for their sons and brothers.

Numbers don't lie

The figures are telling.

According to India's 2011 census, there are only 858 women to every 1,000 men in Baghpat district, compared to the national sex ratio of 940.

Child sex ratios in Baghpat are even more skewed and on the decline with 837 girls in 2011 compared to 850 in 2001 — a trend mirrored across districts in northern Indian states such as Haryana, Punjab and Rajasthan and Gujarat in the west.

"In every village, there are at least five or six bachelors who can't find a wife. In some, there are up to three or four unmarried men in one family. It's a serious problem," says Shri Chand, 75, a retired police constable.

"Everything is hush, hush. No one openly admits it, but we all know what is going on. Some families buy brides from other parts of the country, while others have one daughter-in-law living with many unwedded brothers."

Women from other regions such as the states of Jharkhand and West Bengal speak of how their poor families were paid sums of as little as Rs15,000 (Dh1,087) by middle-men and brought here to wed into a different culture, language and way of life.

"It was hard at first, there was so much to learn and I didn't understand anything. I thought I was here to play," said Sabita Singh, 25, who was brought from a village in West Bengal at the age of 14 to marry her husband, 19 years her elder.

"I've got used to it," she says holding her third child in her lap. "I miss my freedom."

Such exploitation of women is illegal in India, but many of these crimes are gradually becoming acceptable among such close-knit communities because the victims are afraid to speak out and neighbours unwilling to interfere.

Benefits

Some villagers say the practice of brothers sharing a wife has benefits, such as the avoidance of division of family land and other assets amongst heirs.

Others add the shortage of women has, in fact, freed some poor families with daughters from demands for substantial dowries by grooms' families.

Social activists say nothing positive can be derived from the increased exploitation of women, recounting cases in the area of young school girls being raped or abducted and auctioned off in public.

Despite laws making pre-natal gender tests illegal, India's 2011 census indicated that efforts to curb female foeticide have been futile.

While India's overall female-to-male ratio marginally improved since the last census in 2001, fewer girls were born than boys and the number of girls under six years old plummeted for the fifth decade running.

Skewed ratio

A May study in the British medical journal Lancet found that up to 12 million Indian girls were aborted over the last three decades — resulting in a skewed child sex ratio of 914 girls to every 1,000 boys in 2011 compared with 962 in 1981.

Sons, in traditionally male-dominated regions, are viewed as assets — breadwinners who will take care of the family, continue the family name, and perform the last rites of the parents, an important ritual in many faiths.

Daughters are seen as a liability, for whom families have to pay substantial wedding dowries. Protecting their chastity is a major concern as instances of pre-marital sex are seen to bring shame and dishonour on families.

Women's rights activists say breaking down these deep-rooted, age-old beliefs is a major challenge.

"The real solution is to empower girls and women in every way possible," says Neelam Singh, head of Vatsalya, an Indian NGO working on children's and women's issues.

"We need to provide them with access to education, healthcare and opportunities which will help them make decisions for themselves and stand up to those who seek to abuse or exploit them."

Replies sorted oldest to newest

reading stories like this makes me want to swear and scream and pull my hair out......at the ignorance and stupidity of these people. Mad

first they kill the girls....before they are born and after they are born

then they rape and share(against the will of the child/woman) and ill-treat the ones, who by the grace of God only has survived, and make them in brood-mares Mad

will they ever learn????

sometimes you get the feeling that they treat their cows better than the females.
Villagebelle
quote:
Originally posted by Abu Jihad:
quote:
Originally posted by the new yorker:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
It happened in Guyana for much of the early years of indentureship.


whoa! i never heard about that. i guess there were a lot more men than women in those days.
Had I come into existence that way it would in no way taint my being. I would have simple come that way.

As mangru noted in his book on indian in early indentureship, Indians had no other option but to wife share when there were 1 woman to 20 men at the early years of indenture.

Thats how D2 came into existence Big Grin
FM
quote:
Some villagers say the practice of brothers sharing a wife has benefits, such as the avoidance of division of family land and other assets amongst heirs.

Others add the shortage of women has, in fact, freed some poor families with daughters from demands for substantial dowries by grooms' families.


Sounds to me like good enough reasons.
FM
quote:
"They took me whenever they wanted — day or night. When I resisted, they beat me with anything at hand," said Munni, who had managed to leave her home after three months only on the pretext of visiting a doctor.

"Sometimes they threw me out and made me sleep outside or they poured kerosene over me and burned me."



Ksazma......you can't look at only the reason and not the treatment!
Villagebelle
quote:
Originally posted by the new yorker:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
It happened in Guyana for much of the early years of indentureship.


whoa! i never heard about that. i guess there were a lot more men than women in those days.


D2 is exaggerating.
The first immigrants were primarily men. They fought each other for women until more women were shipped in. However, it was not the case of wife sharing.

What really happened was that since women were in great demand, other men used to hustle other men wives on the sly. In a few instances, women had several sweetmen at the same time. It was not forced but consentual. This caused much fighting and chopping up among rivals, and the British were forced to alleviate the situation by importing more women and by passing some stringent marriage laws.
FM
quote:
Originally posted by TI:
quote:
Originally posted by the new yorker:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
It happened in Guyana for much of the early years of indentureship.


whoa! i never heard about that. i guess there were a lot more men than women in those days.


D2 is exaggerating.
The first immigrants were primarily men. They fought each other for women until more women were shipped in. However, it was not the case of wife sharing.

What really happened was that since women were in great demand, other men used to hustle other men wives on the sly. In a few instances, women had several sweetmen at the same time. It was not forced but consentual. This caused much fighting and chopping up among rivals, and the British were forced to alleviate the situation by importing more women and by passing some stringent marriage laws.


and D2 is exaggerating? Roll Eyes whatevs
FM
quote:
Originally posted by TI:
quote:
Originally posted by the new yorker:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
It happened in Guyana for much of the early years of indentureship.


whoa! i never heard about that. i guess there were a lot more men than women in those days.


D2 is exaggerating.
The first immigrants were primarily men. They fought each other for women until more women were shipped in. However, it was not the case of wife sharing.

What really happened was that since women were in great demand, other men used to hustle other men wives on the sly. In a few instances, women had several sweetmen at the same time. It was not forced but consentual. This caused much fighting and chopping up among rivals, and the British were forced to alleviate the situation by importing more women and by passing some stringent marriage laws.


this is what I heard/read also.

plus....that many of the women who were taken to Gy were actually prostitutes!

true or not?
Villagebelle
quote:
Originally posted by TI:
quote:
Originally posted by the new yorker:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
It happened in Guyana for much of the early years of indentureship.


whoa! i never heard about that. i guess there were a lot more men than women in those days.


D2 is exaggerating.
The first immigrants were primarily men. They fought each other for women until more women were shipped in. However, it was not the case of wife sharing.

What really happened was that since women were in great demand, other men used to hustle other men wives on the sly. In a few instances, women had several sweetmen at the same time. It was not forced but consentual. This caused much fighting and chopping up among rivals, and the British were forced to alleviate the situation by importing more women and by passing some stringent marriage laws.
Maybe they fought each other but Scoble noted they quickly "took to the Negresses" and another fall out of this unfortunate predicament was they murdered their wives to keep them in line. But share their wives they did for over a generation
FM
quote:
Originally posted by TI:
Still happening today. People hustle other people wives. This is not considered wife sharing.
Wife sharing is not different from man sharing. It is a surreptitious act. First, the culture did not permit it, marriage was about ownership of a woman. Secondly, the christian laws did not allow it and lastly, it was inevitable given the empowerment it availed women.
FM
Villagebelle:
quote:
....that many of the women who were taken to Gy were actually prostitutes!

true or not?

"Indian women who came to the colonies comprised young widows who found life in India intolerable, and married and single women 'who have gone astray' and would not be accepted by their husbands and families. Sometimes, particularly to make up the required quota, prostitutes were shipped from Calcutta. There is, however, no evidence that such women came in any significant number. Very often emigration agents encouraged depot marriages (sagai) so as to fill the required quota and keep expenses down."
Source: "INDIANS IN GUYANA" by Basdeo Mangru.
B
quote:
Originally posted by Abu Jihad:
quote:
Originally posted by the new yorker:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
It happened in Guyana for much of the early years of indentureship.


whoa! i never heard about that. i guess there were a lot more men than women in those days.


Thats how D2 came into existence Big Grin


Oh poke!!! Bannas I nearly choke on my coffee.
Chief
quote:
Originally posted by Chief:
quote:
Originally posted by Abu Jihad:
quote:
Originally posted by the new yorker:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
It happened in Guyana for much of the early years of indentureship.


whoa! i never heard about that. i guess there were a lot more men than women in those days.


Thats how D2 came into existence Big Grin


Oh poke!!! Bannas I nearly choke on my coffee.
Why because you think it is funny or because thinking on some ignominy in my world would would give you a rise. Sorry, my mother is not available for you to glean a sick joke. And to think of it, you horrible creatures claim the sanctity of religion as a shield!
FM
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
Why because you think it is funny or because thinking on some ignominy in my world would would give you a rise. Sorry, my mother is not available for you to glean a sick joke. And to think of it, you horrible creatures claim the sanctity of religion as a shield!


Bannas you calling muslims horrible creatures just exposed the frame of mind you are in...SICK!!
Chief
quote:
Originally posted by Chief:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
Why because you think it is funny or because thinking on some ignominy in my world would would give you a rise. Sorry, my mother is not available for you to glean a sick joke. And to think of it, you horrible creatures claim the sanctity of religion as a shield!


Bannas you calling muslims horrible creatures just exposed the frame of mind you are in...SICK!!
Let me get this straight, insisting you malevolent fools taking the option to debase my mother are somehow "Muslims" that I call horrible? Well so what? There are horrible Muslims and I can give you a list the like of which the world would well be glad to be rid of.

Horrible Muslims are horrible muslims and those taking the tack that my mother is a ***** deserves that label.
FM
quote:
Originally posted by TI:
For all you know D2 mother descended from pure Muslim stock. The man might be a closet Muslim Big Grin
My mother is a proud christian but sanctified by an animist tradition that gives location and place in the world. Even if she were Muslim, the license to ridicule her would not come with subscription to a faith.
FM
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
Let me get this straight, insisting you malevolent fools taking the option to debase my mother are somehow "Muslims" that I call horrible? Well so what? There are horrible Muslims and I can give you a list the like of which the world would well be glad to be rid of.

Horrible Muslims are horrible muslims and those taking the tack that my mother is a ***** deserves that label.


AT NO TIME WILL I SUBSCRIBE TO CALLING ANYONE MOTHER A *****.

WHen I said I choked on my coffee you arrived at the sick conclusion about your mother.
Chief
quote:
Originally posted by Chief:
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
Let me get this straight, insisting you malevolent fools taking the option to debase my mother are somehow "Muslims" that I call horrible? Well so what? There are horrible Muslims and I can give you a list the like of which the world would well be glad to be rid of.
Horrible Muslims are horrible muslims and those taking the tack that my mother is a ***** deserves that label.


AT NO TIME WILL I SUBSCRIBE TO CALLING ANYONE MOTHER A *****.

WHen I said I choked on my coffee you arrived at the sick conclusion about your mother.

How come me chiding you on an offensive statement is sick and you laughing at it is sanctified...go screw yourself or screw on your head from where it had been.
FM
quote:
Originally posted by D2:
How come me chiding you on an offensive statement is sick and you laughing at it is sanctified...go screw yourself or screw on your head from where it had been.


Many times over members write and people choke when they read it.
You arrived at your silly conclusion that Iam in agreement with the statement.

Some of you never fail to amaze me , taking a broad brush to paint everyone.
Chief
quote:
Originally posted by Chief:
quote:
Originally posted by Prince Juno:
Pointblank hope is to set a bad example for India and Indian women. Muslim men don't share wives, they already make laws to live with many women.


You have lots of muslim friends, you better watch out.


The man still vex cause he only got one. He been lusting after them fat women for a long time, but can't make a move before he get a good bussass!Big Grin
FM

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